


The Promise of Idiocy

by XmagicalX (Xparrot)



Category: Final Fantasy VIII, Pokemon
Genre: Alternate Universe - Fusion, Crack, Gen, Silly
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2000-10-10
Updated: 2000-10-10
Packaged: 2017-10-09 07:04:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 908
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/84336
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Xparrot/pseuds/XmagicalX
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A meld of FF8 with another popular RPG. "The Promise of Nightmares" is my epic exploration of the world of Final Fantasy VIII. This...isn't.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Promise of Idiocy

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [The Promise of Nightmares](https://archiveofourown.org/works/84335) by [XmagicalX (Xparrot)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Xparrot/pseuds/XmagicalX). 



> To quote the indomitable Han Solo: "It's not my fault!"
> 
> And as soon as I find out whose fault it is, I'll let you know...

Squall scaled the cliff, his gloved hands easily finding purchase on the rough rock. The sun was not yet risen, but the sky's gray glow illuminated the mountain range, and the peaks were already touched with gold. His opponent was waiting for him, here, a mile deep in the wilderness, where no instructors would see their duel, or limit it. Seifer had offered the challenge, but he had agreed with satisfaction. Their official exam was yet to come, but this test was more important to both, and one they had been awaiting for far longer.

He surmounted the ledge. Seifer stood across the rock-strewn ground of the natural arena. He smiled when he saw Squall. At last, they were alone.

Mostly alone.

"Do I *have* to wear this cheerleader outfit? It's embarrassing, ya know!"

"SILENCE."

"But these pom-poms are too poofy, and the skirt doesn't match my complexion, ya know—"

"CHEER!" *kick*

"OW! Okay, okay - gimme an S!"

"S!"

"Gimme an E!"

"E!"

Squall dropped his head into his hand.

"The short version, you plebes!" Seifer hissed.

"Okay - gimme an R! What's that spell? Umm...Ser?"

Another kick, another yelp of pain, drowned out by her cry, "SEIFER!"

"Are we gonna have this fight or not?" Squall inquired.

"Clear outa the way," Seifer peremptorily ordered his posse cum cheering squad. The opponents waited while Fujin marched and Raijin limped off the field, tugging ineffectually at his clashing and too short skirt. Then the blond man faced Squall. "All right. Now we fight."

Squall nodded, reaching for his belt—

A low, dangerous, female laugh rent the still mountain air. Then a sultry alto, electronically amplified through a microphone, intoned, "Prepare for trouble!"

"And make it double," purred a tenor, just as smooth.

Seifer and Squall looked at one another. For a single moment, bitter and eternal rivals were united by mutual exasperation.

"To conquer the world with devastation!"

"To unite all peoples under our nation."

"To denounce the evils of truth and love—"

"To extend our reach to the stars above!"

"Jezi!"

"Dahl!"

"Team Warlock blasts off at the speed of light!"

"Surrender now, or prepare to fight."

"I'm the President, and that's right!"

His role in the slogan completed, Ferdid was quickly stuffed back under the sandbags. The other two members of Team Warlock jumped out of their hot-air balloon, for whatever reasons shaped like a giant torama's head with the basket tied to the whisker-tentacles. The evil pair landed between Squall and Seifer. Jezi tossed back her long red hair. "Now, are you brats going to give us your Forcemon or will we have to wreak havoc on your poor, deformed psyches?"

Dahl smiled wickedly, and it wasn't the positively connoted, New-England-slang-for-cool-type wicked, either. "You boys both got enough nightmares bubbling in your unconscious to put you out for a year."

"Yeah, right!"

"....Whatever. Seifer, a truce?"

"Sure. On the count of three...one, two..." He reached for his belt. "Three! Ifrit, go!"

"Quetzalcoatl, I choose you!"

The two tossed out their Forcemon stones. Monstrous forms swelled up from the round, red-and-white striped magic rocks.

"Feh," Seifer sneered, "you expected to take me with that worm Professor Cid fobbed off on you? It hasn't even evolved into a Thundnaga yet!"

"Ifrit hasn't evolved, either," Squall observed.

Seifer swelled. "I just got it!"

Jezi and Dahl, who had upon the release of the Forcemon grabbed onto each other for dear life, realized they were neither zapped nor toasted yet. Dahl stopped bawling and began to smile predatorily again, turning toward Seifer, who was distracted by his irate explanation of how difficult it was to capture an Ifrit, how many of his Forcemon had fainted in the Fire Cave before he even made it, why he hadn't had any potions to revive them—

Squall, noticing Dahl's attentions, shouted, "Quetzalcoatl! Thunder attack!"

The crackle of electricity building around the trenchcoated snake was audible. Dahl glanced from Seifer to the Forcemon, then glommed onto Jezi with a shriek of alarm. She glared down at him, opening her mouth to demand just where exactly did he think he was putting his hands—

## ZZZZZZZZZAP!

There was a brilliant flash. When the afterimages cleared, Jezi and Dahl had been reduced to two rapidly diminishing twinkles on the horizon. Squall heard them exclaim as they flew out of sight, "Looks like Team Warlock's magicked off again!"

"Quetzalcoatl, return," Squall said.

"Ifrit, come back," Seifer commanded, retrieving his Forcestone. He looked at Squall. "You taught it Thunder?"

"I've been putting all my AP points toward it," Squall said, in a tone which would have been called smug had anyone else used it. "Since this didn't go as planned, you want to try again tomorrow?"

Seifer looked at Quetzalcoatl's Forcestone on Squall's belt, then down at Ifrit's, and licked his lips. "Eh, well...tomorrow's not good. How about in a week - how about two weeks? Two weeks, same time, same place? That good for you?"

"Fine," Squall said.

"Two weeks, then." Seifer lifted his head arrogantly. "Then you'll see how a real Forcemon master fights. Smell ya later!" He strode off the ground, his posse following.

At least until Raijin tripped on a rock and tumbled off the cliff face. His cry echoed through the valley. "Hey, this's the short way down, ya knooooooooooooooow!"

Squall put his hand to his forehead, and wondered how much SquareSoft had possibly been paid to go back to working for Nintendo.

**Author's Note:**

> Cameo villains from "The Promise of Nightmares", albeit in a slightly modified form.
> 
> Allusions to a certain highly popular game and anime are a product of your own overactive imagination.
> 
> Really.


End file.
